January 1, 1893. Having made two previous partial proving of the poison of this creature, during the months of November and December, 1892, I now purpose to make a more careful one, and if possible, by my efforts to learn by experience, all that is possible. I am conscious of many defects in recording the two previous proving; we have to learn to do some things by doing them. I now see that I ought to have given more attention to my pulse rate and my temperature, while it is very likely to be true that I have not yet got to the end of the effects.
Yet having forgotten my resolve not to take any medicine, I tasted some Ver. Vir., and so stopped recording. And now with the new year. I shall try to get through with this proving before the New York State Society meeting. I hope to forget all that I have written of my feelings during m previous efforts to get at the spirit of this poison.
January 3, 1893. This 7 a.m. took 8 globules of No. 35 pellets, medicated with Heloderma hor. 30th. A very bright, clear morning, and feeling very well. After a good night’s rest, had nothing in my consciousness to report about myself.
My pulse rate, one hour and thirty minutes after breakfast, was 72, full and round. This is three and one-half hours after taking my first dose of 8 globules No. 35 Heloderma hor. 30th .
My temperature after holding the thermometer under my tongue for five minutes is 980, very slow in coming up from 97. It stood a long time at 97 3.5, so that I had to wait for it to rise to 980 ; but we should remember that this is three and one-half hours since taking the medicine, and while feeling some of the effects of this first dose.
My head feels full, and a conscious feeling of aching similar to what one feels at the beginning of an influenza. Some cold feeling in biceps muscle of right arm. Chilly feeling in various part of my body.
11 a.m. Took another dose of six globules before the effects of the first dose had fully developed itself.
I have a feeling of great weakness and giddiness, and a difficulty in remembering even the spelling of some simple words while writing.
12 meridian. Sensation as if a cold, freezing wind were blowing upon me from the bend of my knees. Head feeling as if the scalp were being drawn tight over my skull, and my facial muscles were being drawn very tight over the bones. A giddiness and a cold pressure from within the skull. A cold, running chill from superior maxillary down to the chin. Trembling of limbs. Coldness extending from the knee into the calf of the leg. Pain and pressure within the skull from crown to occiput, and from back forward over the left eye. A very drowsy feeling. I could sleep if I gave way to the feeling.
4 p.m. The feelings above described have returned twice since noon in four hours. My head feeling the same. Took another dose of six globules, 30th. While reading, a very sharp pain shot through my head from the left side over my eye to deep in towards the occiput. Experienced sharp, digging pain in the left side; very acute while it lasted. The cold feeling continues very constantly in my feet, with these arctic ays changing about. Mind clear.
10 p.m. On retiring, took another dose of six globules. Was awakened several times by an intense pain in lumbar muscles, and stitches in my intestines as if they were filled with pins, still sleep was very heavy; was awakened once by what appeared to be a bell ringing in my ear, so real that I thought it was a telephone call and got up; but lo it was only a dream.
January 4, 1893, 7:45 a.m. Took another dose of six globules. Pulse, 72. Temperature, 97 3-5. A flush of heat in my face. A feeling as if I were walking on sponge or as if my feet were swollen. Dull headache. The arctic cold feeling is more in my right arm, elbow joint, and right thigh and left foot. A great trembling of my arm. It is hard work to steady my hand, which holds my book, enough to continue reading or writing.
The feeling of swelling in my feet or walking on sponges sensation continues; a springiness, with a sense of looseness in stepping out, which requires some caution, as if I were not sure of my steps. The trembling of my hands is on the increase; feeling of soreness in my heart, more under left nipple; pain in my back, lumbar region. Some little scalding of urine; flow not so free and full, intermitting slightly, as if I had some calculus in the bladder which interfered with continuous flow. Stool. More free and full.
Earwax, which had been very dry, now flows from both ears, but is more free on the left side. Left nostril sore; ulcerated. Throat sore and tender to outside touch.
4 p.m. Took another dose of six globules. Much trembling and coldness (arctic cold); cold places in various parts of my body; and a very hard pressure behing my left ear; pressure in ear from within outward; dry, itching scurfs in my nostrils, the left one worst. Headache all the time, with very sore spots in various parts of my head.
6 p.m. Back of head sore. Neck very stiff. Coldness outside of left leg and inside of right arm. A boring, sharp pain on tibia of the right leg, with twitching of arm and leg. Giddiness. Very drowsy, but not able to sleep. Very much trembling and weakness when starting to walk after resting in a sitting position.
9 p.m. Very weak feeling, with pain in my heart; same place, under left nipple. Headaches and arctic rays in various parts of my body.
Took six more globules, and retired for the night. Slept very soundly until towards morning, when I was a weakened by very intense pain in my back and lumbar muscles, and my left ankle felt as if a tight band were round it, trying to cut my foot off; very cold, arctic feeling in my feet. My head was very painful, as if I had a large cover over it, drawn very tight. The upper part of my neck near the atlas was very painful. Bowels feel full, but not so painful. A feeling as if my waistband were too tight.
January 5, 1893. Warm morning with some snow coming down. Pulse 72. Temperature under my tongue 97 3-5. Took twelve globules, a double dose. Intense pain in back of my head near where atlas is, to the root of my ears on both sides. Had a very sever attack of sneezing. And a severe chill ran down my back from base of brain to buttock, very like an ague. Several times have had cokd rings round my body, from beginning between my shoulder blades and radiating round my body. Cold limbs, which could not be made warm over a hot register; my feet feel like lumps of ice, and there is a tingling sensation such as I have felt when recovering from being frozen. The head pains produce a giddiness, with inclination to fall backward, and a benumbed feeling prevails all over my head. Mind keeps clear. Pain in left thigh and calf of leg- a feeling as of recovering from bad bruises. The trembling in my hands is not so bad today; and though I feel the pain in my left heart it is not so bad.
9:30. Bowels moved, loosely; mushy; no pain; good deal of flatus.
12 noon. Took twelve more globules. Numb feeling in my head. A feeling as if I would fall on my right side. A good drive this morning in the snowstorm; and felt a desire to bear to the right side and could not walk straight because of this, and had repeatedly to stop or step to stop or step to the left to get a straight course on the causeway. A good deal of the same feeling, but very weak and sleepy; was compelled to lie down; but did not sleep, although feeling very drowsy; laid very quiet, as if I was in a stupor; the old feeling in various parts of my body, only more acute; a feeling in various parts as if a needle were being thrust into my flesh.
4:45 p.m. Took thirteen globules. A very stiff neck the most prominent feeling. All the previously recorded feelings, only more intensely. I have a painful boring feeling in the middle third of left thigh.
8:30. Flushed, hot feeling in my head and face, but no increase in color; but then I have just come out of the storm.
9:30. Took twelve globules more and retired to rest; very tired; slept very soundly until I a.m., then could not sleep. My back, in the lumbar muscles, ached so and my left leg that I could not sleep for hours, and my brain felt as if scalded; an intense burning feeling in the meninges, for this did not affect my power to think. This hot feeling commenced and spread down my back. An intense pain over left eyebrow, through my left eye to base of brain and down my badck. The pain in the back of my head pillow, and reminded me of cases I have seen of cerebro-spinal meningitis. An intense weakness, as if I had no power to move, and no wish to do so, and yet I was afraid I could not attend to my business. Yet, strange to say, I was not alarmed, but passively indifferent. I could not open my eyes without great effort; it was hard work to keep them open and the casiest thing for them to close, as if there were a great weight upon them, keeping them down. I begged to be allowed to remain in bed until some one wanted me professionally, and yet I could not thus give way to my feelings, and so got up.
7 a.m. Feeling very weak and giddy. Staggering about my bedroom trying to dress. It was all that i could do to lift a hod of coal to the stove. The pains in my head and lumbar muscles, back of my head near atlas and middle third ofo left thigh right elbow are the most noticeable from the great pains; and arctic coldness in my feet and hands and arms; have had a transient feeling of pain in the little finger and little toe of right side. Very feverish or parched in the night, and my breathing was hard and sounded as if I was drawing my breath through iron pipes. I feel that I must not take any more medicine at present. When I remember what a long time I was in getting to the end of the previous symptom, I feel that I dare not go any further.
The dose I have been taking, a No. 35 globule, is as large as ten such as is ordinarily used for the 30th or for high dilutions, so that I have taken as good as sixty high dilution globules as a dose, and lately as high as one hundred and twenty four and sometimes oftener daily.
I was surprised at these hot flashes and burnings in my head and along my spine. And these strongly reminded me of some feeling a proving of Gelsemium caused, only that has sweat, whilst this has no moisture, everything being dried up. Saliva, tears, nostrils, and earwax; the great weakness and pain in body reminds me of cerebro-spinal meningitis.
My pulse rate is 68. 8.15 Temperature, 97 only.
1p.m. What fearful aching in my body I Arctic feeling throughout my body, except my head and face, and oh! So tired. A feeling as if it were almost impossible to keep my eyes open. While out on my professional rounds, a feeling came over me as if it would be far easier to lie down in the snowy streets than to keep trying to get along. The trembling is very persistent.
9 p.m. Oh! This bad feeling in my head, the aching, aching in my bones, in every part of my body, head to feet; no part entirely free from pain, my body so cold; a feeling as if I had holes in my garments, and cold, frosty winds were blowing through and freezing my flesh; cold penis and testicles, no feeling but coldness. A slight gluey discharge; a fluent discharge from nose, with great sneezing, January 7, 1893. Last night slept very well until 3 a.m. then was awakened by a severe pain in my head and back, and both of my lower limbs; the pain in the top of my head was very severe, and although the hot feeling along my head from front to the back, and round the back of head from ear to ear, was not so intense, it felt more like pressure from fullness, and this was also true of all the other pains. The pains in the lower limbs kept me awake; moving them about, these pains reminded me of what used to be called when a lad, “growing pains.” Tongue dry and throat parched. But not sore; eyelids very heavy and glued together; sensation of coldness, kept up but was not so very severe. Heart pains were bearable. I feel it as something not to be trifled with. Not so much trembling in my hands this morning.
9 p.m. During this day, the most prominent feeling has been the intense aching in the bones of my neck. I could move my head and arms freely, but the intense aching continues; very weak and nervous with some trembling; my arms very weak from the shoulder down to the hands, and if I held anything long, my hands would pain. This afternoon the gleety feeling and discharge in penis returned, with very acute pain in left testicle and some enlargement, (an orchitis symptom). Very thirsty. Some return of the burning in my head; a slight pain in my back and lower limbs; not so much cold feeling in my body, only my feet are like ice balls.
January 8th. No medicine. The pain in my back and shoulders, was very distressing, and full, hot feeling in my head, eyelids very heavy, pains and sensation of stiffness through all my limbs. Some siddiness, very heavy sleep and heaviness of eyelids. My appetite is good, bowels regular, urine scanty. No sweats.
3 a.m. Feet very hot; heat through my body soon passing off, followed by arctic coldness but no chills, and these sensations followed alternately for some time.
2:30 p.m. Pulse rate, 72, full and round, jerky. Temperature, 97 2.5; Feeling very sick, with intense pain in my back, lower lumbar region, and throbbing in my bowels; this throbbing can be felt all over my body, but this throbbing in my bowels is a new feeling; very intense pain and throbbing in the top of my head, cervical vertebra, and dorsal and lumbar muscles. No gleety discharge, but a feeling as if there were something running down; tenderness in the urethra; testicle pain has not yet returned, but cold arctic rays are felt in generative organs, and these cold feelings return at infrequent intervals, with flushes of heat in my face, an occasional cold crawling feeling down my right cheek from my temple. The intense pain is going down my back very slowly; so stiff, full feeling in my buttock as if I could not move, but when I do move I am surprised at the easy way I can do it; there is a sensation of giddiness and a feeling as if I was leaning over towards my right side, but it is not really so. I am very stretchy and gapy. (Reminding me of a case of hysteric clavicus). This stretching relieves the pains in the lumbar muscles and limbs, but the pains then return in the calves of the legs, first after these spells of stretching. Some pains in the fingers of right hand, first hot then cold, even when feeling comfortable in other parts of my body. Urine, specific gravity 1010; little or no change; color of a greenish yellow, sometimes muddy, very seldom thick, milk, after standing a short time.
10 p.m. This last four hours I have had a very severe aching in my right kidney; it was very hard to bear and resist the urging to take something to relieve me. A very sharp stitch through my right nipple to the inside of my right arm. The from my left arm into my heart, which alarmed me very much. These stitch pains are all from left to right. No change in any of the other recorded symptoms.
January 9th, 8 a.m. Pulse rate 68; is not so full, or jerky but it is some Temperature under the tip of the tongue, 96; deeper in, 97. This morning awoke at 3 a.m. and got up to urinate, but I could not stand without I had hold of something. Oh, such a weak, giddy feeling! I never fainted but once, from loss of blood, and these sensations are similar. Plenty of strength to hold me up, but unable to balance myself, and when I put forth an effort I staggered about like a man trying to walk with paralysis or locomotor ataxy. This idea was the most prominent in my mind, but I have a patient recovering from paralysis who has to swing his body as he walks, to get his feet forward, and is very weak and sliaky about his efforts. His weakness is in his knees, but mine was from the base of my skull cerebrum where the pains have been so persistent near the atlas, extending downward. When I arose, at 7 a.m. it was very hard work for me to balance myself enough to complete dressing myself, and very hard work to carry my head. If I bent forward, then it required great effort to keep from falling on my face or backward. This lack of balancing power was accompanied by a sensation of nausea, as if I were going to vomit. I persisted in my efforts to work, in hopes of shaking off these very alarming sensations, and by effort got through my morning work. Whilst shaving, a severe jerk of my right arm caused me to gash my face; very strange, but I ought not to have tried to do this. I have now some numbness in my right hand and arm, and a good deal of trembling. Arctic feeling in my feet and in various parts of my body. This feeling of want of balancing power does not entirely leave me; a full, pressing feeling in all parts of my head. And when I walk I notice I lift my heel down hard, as if I was not sure of holding on to the ground. I notice some twitching, as if my feet would spring up, making me walk as if I had the cock’s gait, as it is described. The pain in my kidney is not so severe now, but I feel it bad in the night, the pain extending across my lumbar muscles; and I have a soreness in the great muscles of my thighs when sitting, and itching tenderness through the whole surface of my body.
12 noon. Have attended my patients. Felt very weak, stiff and sore; scarcely able to go up two flights of stairs. I am very giddy, but somewhat better than when I first got up. Head feels very sore and bruised. Sight not so strong. Have been very much alarmed at myself, and feel sure that if this class or series of pains reaches my heart it will finish me. Am thankful I can yet record my feelings so far, and yet I am very sure that the poison of this monster has not fully run its course in me. As the first proving, it lasted at least three weeks. I do not now believe that I had gotten to the end of the first series of symptoms before I began the second, or what I now call this third proving.
10 p.m. Feeling very weak and depressed; very much discouraged; thoroughly blue. I slept this. Afternoon and awoke with the first chill, and cold waves coming over me, wave after wave, from my arctic cold feet upward. Back pains me very much. Kidney pain better, but my bladder is very irritable, as to be unable to retain any urlne long, and have experienced urgings to pass it, but only now small quantities, though it will aggregate about four pints; acid reaction; specific gravity 1008. My head has not been so giddy, but have felt as if it were full from cerebral upward, spreading to both ears; and hot pressure on the top; and from over the left eyebrow inward throbbing or fluttering.
7 a.m., January 10, 1893. Thank God I begin this day with more comfort and more control of myself; my limbs are easier to manage; a little glddiness and staggering. And a stiff, bruised sensation in my back and lower limbs. My cervical vertebra is less sore and have little pain; and altogether feel very much better. My pulse rate is 80 this a.m.; full and round; no jerks perdeptible. Temperature 98 under the tongue, by the root mercury very slow in rising; had to keep the thermometer in a long time. I have a flushed, hot feeling in my. Face and head; no trembling, less staggering, and can manage my limbs fairly well. I feel as I dared not trifle with myself any further, for I am very weak. A very little exertion would make me feel very ill. I am feeling like a man who had just come from under a deadly risk; am very weak and prostrated, with every nerve on the jump. Oh, so very weak A sinking feeling. A parched thirstiness in my throat and mouth. My tongue is clean; bowels regular; a good deal of flatus, very fetid; pale yellow, greenish urine (specific gravity 1008). Smelling very fetid; same smell as the flatus; more like the smell of rotting sweet fruit or vegetables.
6 p.m. Head aches all over; full feeling and pressure with giddiness; very weak, and no courage to face the storm; arctic feeling in mu testcles and penis, at the end like a piece of ice; so cold to my hand; passing large quantities of water; (drank less), pale looking, specific gravity 1000. Lips dry and sticky, and nostrils dry and itching scurfs; my ears dry and scurfy; sharp stitches in my heart during this afternoon and evening; my head was very bad. It was very hard to say in which part the pains were the worst; the back of my neck, stiff and painful/ and yet I could move mv head any way freely, without increasing the pain, and so it has been with other parts of my body I can read and think, when my head is feeling at its worst, and can move when compelled to; when the pain is the most severe, and the stiffness and tottering seems the most intense; irregular or uneven stopping, even the trembling can be controlled at times when my will is exerted.
January 11. Pulse rate is at my normal, 72. Temperature 96 2.5; deep in under the root of my tongue, it is the same. My head is feeling very bad and bery giddy; staggering gait. This appears to be caused by the painful feeling at the base of the brain; very weak and disinclined to exertion; much more sensitive to the coldness of winter; I feel very cowardly shrinking from exposure to the weather more than usual; and yet I can not let this cowardly feeling interfere with my professional duties, and I am glad of this form of diversion, and find much pleasure in their performance.
9:30 p.m. Looking back at my day, it has been one of great weakness, free from pain, more than any day since beginning this medicine. Painful twitches in my right elbow joint and pain in my right breast; stitches in my heart from left to right coldness very great in my feet, and cold waves down my back nearly all the day. Passed large quantity of urine, which, upon standing some time, becomes very thick, of a dirty yellow color, not so bad smelling. Not so much coldness in the generative organs; no swelling in my testicles; much stiffness about my buttocks and legs. But no such feeling when in motion. Trembling in my hands very much. Cold, chilly crawling down my right cheek. A good deal of acid on my stomach, bowels moved daily; very flatulent, loud discharge; appetite good; mind clear.
Prepared a paper for publication, two hours steady writing, which the trembling in my hands did not interfere with, and is only seen in the long strokes, or when holding my book in reading. Now my head begins to trouble me in the Heloderma horridus places and compels me to rest.
January 12, 1893. Free this a.m. from head and lumbar pains. Cold, arctic sensations in various parts of the body. A very sharp stitch through anus, to left testicle, down the penis. Urine very muddy and stool black in color, soft, mushy, more free. To-day is the freest from pain of any day yet. Pulse rate normal.
January 13, 1893. Very tottering while I was dressing; pain in limbs, thighs, and arms. Bicep muscles very cold feeling all the time.
7:30. Temperature, 97. Pulse rate, 60. Very cold feeling Shrinking very much from facing the cold outside wintry storms, very unusual with me, it formerly being my happiest time of the year. Tongue clean, appetite verygood, bowels moved daily; a blackish green color. Pains come on in infrequent intervals in my heart, and a pain in my right breast under the nipple, similar in character as those I feel in my left heart region. Left to right direction. Stinging pain in right elbow joint. The backache does not disturb me very much; I fell it and the head pains are also very light. My greatest suffering is from the cold, arctio rays in my body and the icy feeling in my extremities.
1:30 p.m. Have been my rounds but was scarcely able, very staggery, trembling, sudden noises startle me very much; very irritable, easily provoked. My patients are all doing well, no worry about them. Almost impossible to get warm. Headache and dizziness and very sleepy; cannot keep my eyes open. Must give up and have some rest. After dinner, pulse, 68. Temperature, 98 3-5. The first sense of warmness to-day; hot soup, and my food was hot. Oh, this throbbing pain in my head will it ever let up? My hands tremble very much, and jerking in and down my left limb. I am tired of it. I wish I could stop it, and yet I do not wish to lose the record or end, for which I am trying to bear this. Coldness is very persistent all the day, with only a short warm spell from hot food. Chill and sneezing which relieved my head for a short time. Retired at 9:30 very ill with a return of all the previously recorded symptoms.
January 14, 1893. Could not get out of bed at my usual time; very severe pain in head and back of neck, going down my back and right leg; twitches, with cold, stinging, ice-needle pricks. My right hand is feeling as if it were frozen. Pulse rate 64; full round, but appears to have a pendulum motion or twitch. Temperature 96 3-5. Mind clear, but very weak in my body, and I can not get warm over a hot register or with hot fluids. This constant srctic cold is very hard to bear and makes me this morning feel as if I had a cake of ice on my back. My hands are blue with cold and my feet feel like lumps of ice. Headache and giddiness; could not keep from trembling while some patients were in my consulting room, and had a good deal of difficulty in steadying and controlling my voice; when excited could not get hold of the right words I wanted and dropped some when speaking, from a want of flexibility or a catch in my tongue. Pains in various parts f my body; the same locations and character. Quite a rush of business today and very ill-fitted to attend to it. My hands and feet blue and aching with cold, even while I was sitting over a hot register that scorched my boot leather, yet no feeling of warmth in hands or feet. A good deal of throbbing and aching in the upper part of my kidneys, the right one the sorest. Sharp pains in my bowels, near the caecum; some trembling (when asleep it awoke me) in my right arm and left leg with a sharp pain near the ankle joint.
January 15th. Feeling good this a.m. Pulse, 72. Temperature, 98. A good day. Some pain in generative organs. Urine muddy. Stitches in heart, left to right, and in right, and in right lung to right arm. Heart beats felt all over my body. My body throbs and can feel and hear it, as if it was some labouring engine. The arctic feeling are there, but not so very hard to bear. As compared to other days have felt good.
January 16th. Very weak and staggering. Throbbing through my head and body. Very acid stomach. Stitches in heart and through the left lung, and bones of the left and right little fingers, and middle third of each thigh. My pulse in now 60, full but oscillating or pendulous. Temperature, under the tongue, 97 2-5. A very good day. Comfortable. All the above described feelings but all very light.
January 17th. Feeling about in my usual good condition; only a very little trembling ; on speaking some words in a hurry, a slight stammering.
January 18th. Giddy head, pain in the neck and across the kidneys, and down the outside of left thigh. Coldness at times, and have not courage enough to face the wintery storm; I chill through so soon. Pain in my heart a good deal. This 8 a.m. my pulse is the best I have felt for a month, 76, full and regular, no oscilating. Temperature, 98, Bowels regular, Urine clear and normal color. Specific gravity, 10.05. Very fair day. Pain in neck and slight giddiness is all that I have experienced since rising this morning. An emergency call for a miscarriage put me into such a trembling fit that it was some time before I could so master it as to enable me to do my duty, and left me in such a weak state that it was difficult to hold still enough to prepare the needed medicine for the patient.
January 19, 1893. A woke in the night with very severe gastric burning. Acute gastritis; passed large quantities of urine three times in the night.
7 a.m. Pulse 64. Temperature 96 4-5. Some coldness in my intestines, but no pains. Mind clear.
January both. Awoke this morning in a shivering fit. Trembling, giddiness and headache, but not very severe. Cold arctic feeling. Pulse 68. Temperature 97 1-5. My feet, a. m., cold. Severe pain in left testicle, extending through to the back to anus. Bleed very much from old piles An aching at end of penis, and no sexual desire. A feeling as if the testicles were swollen, and painful, as in orchitis; this is only a transient pain, and comes and goes at infrequent periods, or remittent in their character. I notice my urine is taking on thee greenish-yellow again, and my right arm is chilly from the arctic rays. My feet are cold, and the coldness creeps up higher in my legs. A great deal of arctic feeling in and around my heart. My breath deal of arctic feeling in and around my heart. My breath is cold. Headache, but mind clear. Cold chills run over me in various parts of my body. My hands tremble very much at times, so that I can not write. Pain in testicles and coldness, as if they were frozen. Pass a large quantity of urine.
4 p.m. Burning in my face, while other parts are arctic cold in spots. Pulse rate 70. I thought, perhaps, I was going to have some fever. Temperature 98 2-5. This is two and a half hours after lunch. Urine; specific gravity, 1010; clear, but greenish-yellow. Headache and neck pain; chilly and trembling more to-day than for the last few days. A good deal of pricking pain in my heart, with coldness and stinging in my right lung No cough; dryness of my throat, with tickling in my fauces; tongue cleanl bowels regular, soft, but requiring force to expel, and followed by some bleeding. Coldness of generative organs. Some very severe itching of the skin all over my body, like insects were crawling over me. So realistic was the feeling that I have stripped to hunt for the bugger, but have found nothing, not even the bitten place.
January 21. 8 a.m. Did not get up before, owing to the pressure in my skull, as if it was too full; dropsy or some swelling of my brain; giddiness, and a numbness down my left leg, and a jerking upward in both of them. Some trembling and coldness around my heart, and in my lungs and down my arms. My feet were very hot in the night until 5 a.m. when they became cold, numb and jerky, upwards. My pulse rate is very slow this morning, only 56 beats. Temperature is slowly forced up to 98. I have a sensation as if my left cheek were swollen, but it is not so. Trembling very much in my hands.
2:30 p.m. Have not been warm yet to-day; very intense arctic sensation in my body and heart and lungs. Slight cough. Numbness in my right arm. Much trembling, and a sensation of inward trembling in all parts of my body. Generative organs frozen cold, and this coldness extends up my back. My feet so cold that I have burned my boots, and yet cannot get them warm. Coldness extends up to my knees. Stiffness and pain in left thigh. Cold arctic band round my head, with fullness in skull. Pulse 90. Temperature 97 4-5. Good appetite. Mentally clear, although very weak; very tired and discouraged that these feelings last so long. They seem to be all beginning over again; worse now than they were a week ago. I feel more like giving up and going to bed sick, but I cannot afford to do so, so I brace up and resist this temptation to try and find an antidote for these recurring series of feelings.
9 a.m. Coldness still the most prominent and persisting feeling. Throbbing all over. Coldness round my heart, and a numbness through my limbs, and giddiness. Pain in left scapula and right testicle, shooting or bearing up my right groin; feet and legs cold to knees. My pulse beats 64. A feeling of heat in my face. Flatulence. Urine muddy. A perfectly stiff, numb feeling in my left arm, so that I had to twist it about a long time before I could use it. A paralytic feeling. I have a feeling of fullness in my chest, so that t requires an effort to breathe or inflate my lungs; they seem stiff and hard to Inflate.
January 22, 1893. Do not feel so well this morning, an oppressed feeling on the top of my head. More to the right temporal bone. Broken sleep; dreamed I was attending cases of malignant diphtheria and strange to say, these cases in my dreams have been subjects of my dreams at three separate times during these proving. Pyrogenium 6th was my remedy on which I relied to the exclusion of all, others and cured my cases; so my dream was my mind seemed very much strained between that or ‘I arantula, but succeeded in a week in curing them. Every day’s care noted in my dream. And what a dream! Awoke and sleep to dream it all over again; was not worried much about it, only it seemed hard that Brooklyn physicians will still come into my district and never say one word about the one who is trying by pioneer work to establish confidence in Homoeopathy. This was a worry to me in my dreams. So far as I know we have not a case in our town. Very weak and very oppressed for breath; the least exertion takes it away, and have hard work to get my lungs into play again. I have some cold feeling round my heart and in my right lung; a slight hacking cough and great pain the bones of my left leg. Coldness in my extremities very severe, and at the back of my neck. My pulse rate, 60, this a.m. full and round, but some of the beats seem as if they were too modest to come up to my fingers as strong as the others do. Temperature continues below normal, 97 4-5. My mind continues clear and appetite good, bowels regular, but very dark, soft, and difficult to expel; piles are swollen, itch and bleed. Urine clear, yellow greenish color again. Specific gravity, 1005. Acid reaction; a good deal of acid burning in my stomach. Gastritis sensations. Flatulent rumblings. No medicine now for many days, and yet I suffer.
9 p.m. Giving up the day. I am very weak, and oh! So tired, and need rest and warmth. My heart has pained me greatly to-day, and coldness prevails throughout my body. Pulse 68. Temperature 97 3-5. Dryness in nostrils and ears; hard wax. Coldness in generative organs; pain in arms and back of head; not so much trembling. Breathing is easier; can expand my lungs with less difficulty.
January 23. Slept well until 5 a.m. then awoke with pains in head and burning in my feet, with some trembling and stiff feeling in my lungs and heart, as if they were tied or unable to move. As I lay awake I could hear my heart pounding away, but, oh! so slow. Felt very weak and wanted to stay in bed, but after some hard thinking I got up.
7 a.m. Very weak; staggered about while dressing. Pains in the base of the brain. Pulse 64 and irregular in its beats, some of them failing altogether to declare themselves only by their absence to respond. Temperature, after being held under my tongue ten minutes, 97 2-5. Very cold in my back and over my shoulders; hands and feet are blue with cold. Itching all over my body, and as if I was bitten with fleas or bugs were crawling over me. Skin of my hands very rough and cracks are in them. My ears has a feeling as if wax were running out of them. Dry, Itching scurfs in my nostrils; the left one worst.
9 p.m. A comfortable day. Not much of my old feeling, and more cheerful.
January 24th. Slept soundly until 3 a.m. Pain is distended bladder awoke me. Pain under pubes and along penis. Passed a large quantity of water; the flow very slow, as if the passage were constricted by the hard spasm and pain. Feet burning and head hot and full, as if there were not room enough in the cranium. Had to cool my feet, by putting them out of bed, before I could go to sleep again.
6:30 a.m. Great deal of stretching, as if I had clavicus spasms. Lumbar muscles are very stiff and sore and aching and my neck at the base of the brain slightly so; otherwise I feel comparatively comfortable. Pulse beats 60 at 8:30 full round, with some irregularity. Temperature 97 4-5, which is an Improvement. No dreams. What a blessing to feel free from such constant internal coldness! Very little to note to day 9 p.m. Only just enough to remind me of my old troubles. Aftere getting into bed a very severe trembling came on in my right kidney.
January 25, 1893. Hurried this a.m. , so could not take an account of pulse or temperature, but remember that when dressing felt very heavy feeling; hard to move and very lightheaded; not really dizzy; had bad dreams about dead people and grave yards; pained at so many as thirty bodies being put into one grave. Pulse rate 68; very full, and I can feel the beating of my heart in all parts of my body; heart bounds as if it had not sufficient room in my chest, and shakes my body or vibrates all over. Hot face; flushed. Temperature 98 2-5. Trembling in my hands. Hot, full feeling in my head; feet burn as if they were recovering from being frozen; this burning in my feet would not let me sleep. Had a good deal of pain in my bowels; acute pain, like pin pricks, in my artenoid muscle; difficult to swallow; the old headache and neckache; can write better to-day not so much trembling and have more control of myself.
January 26. Very weak; stiffness in hips and loin; giddiness if I move quickly; sleep well; no dreams. Pulse 60, very irregular; Temperature 96 4-5; cold feet and hands, and pain and stiffness in back of neck; aching extending inward to brain; pain over left temple, shooting inward, very sharp; eyelids glued, passed more water of a pale straw color; no green hue, my hands do not tremble so much, I can write better and longer. Without the strain to keep them steady.
1 a.m. Feel very ill; head heavy and painful, from back or neck forward, and very weak; want to go to bed, but dare not, must not give up; want to write, but cannot. Pulse rate, 64. Very oppressed feeling with coldness at my heart. Difficult to breath, as if it were too hard to do so. Temperature 98 1-5. Severe coldness across scapulae, hands trembling very much, so that it is very hard to control them to write my notes.
10 p.m. It has required a mighty effort to keep up this day my pulse 56, slow and irregular; temperature 98. Headache, yet mind clear; backache. Weakness in all my body; my limbs so weak in walking that it was difficult to keep going, and felt as if I could lay down or drop down anywhere. What heart failure symptoms are I do not know, but fear I came very near it and yet I have resisted this feeling and kept awake and about. Have felt very ill all the day, and am so now on retiring 11 p.m.
January 27. 8 a. m. Very low, oppressed feeling; head bad; sneezing. Bone pains as if I had an influenza coming on, but have none. Feet very hot in the night; had to put them from under the bedclothes in order to sleep. Very heavy this a.m. Temperature 98. Body pains and weakness all the day; was compelled to lie down and sleep. Head full. Throat sore, phlegmy. Bowels loose, urine high colored, clear, no smell. Pulse at 10 p.m., 60, irregular. Temperature 98 1-5. No chilly feeling; but hot thermal heat rays pass through my whole system. Not able to confine my mind to any object; restless fidgetiness.
January 28, 1893. Very violent headache over right temporal bone, almost as if I had a tumor forming and pressing within the skull, affecting the whole right side of head, and producing numbness down the left side of my body. Very chilly and watery eyes. Temperature at 3 p.m., 97 2-5. Sore throat and hot feeling in head and throughout my body. The sore feeling extends over the temporal bone and right side of my head, and down my right cheek, and affects my teeth, or the place where I used to have them; but it seemed as if the teeth in my palate were all sore and inflamed, gums swollen and as if the molars were elongated and pressed out of my gums, for they gave great pain when chewing my food.
January 29. 9 a.m. Just after breakfast, pulse 68, temperature 99; slept very heavy but dreamed of treating many cases of black diphtheria. A woke, slept, dreamed the same dream again, and again the same dream, three separate times. How very singular! During these proving, I have done this three separate times. Three dreams in one night – the same dream, the same disease, the same families in my dream. This singularity caused me to lay awake wondering what this can mean. I have not any patients suffering from this disease, and I do not know of any in the town, and nothing that I know of to bring this disease to my mind. Awoke feeling very stiff and sore.
February 7, 1893. Was called to see a case of diphtheria, black, like what I saw in these dreams, but she died, having been doctored by an old-school man in New York city for rheumatism. Since then I have had no cases in this town that lingered until I gave thee medicine of my dream (but which I saw contained a clear picture of these cases). Came far down the dorsal muscles and vertebrae, extending upward. A sensation as if insects were crawling over my skin. Fleabites here and there. (Watched one such spot, where it felt as if a bug was biting. With a magnifying glass, and it appeared to be caused by an effort of one of the pores of my skin to suck in a tiny piece of dust or wool. This has led me to ask: Are a part of the pores of our body absorbents as well as exhalers or excretory ducts? It may be worth more study.)
11p.m. This day it has been very hard to keep up and doing. Pulse 60. Cold, arctic feeling in my limbs, lungs and heart. A short, hacking cough which nurts my left scapula, and I have a stiff, lame feeling down my left arm; very tired and giddy.
January 30th. Head pains again, the same old character. Sensation of swelling in my face and pain in nerves of teeth molars. Hot feeling. Pulse, 68. Temperature, 99. Very weak, but my mind clear. Much trembling and the oppression round my heart and chest producing a suffocating feeling that makes me afraid, and I must now seek some means to arrest this difficulty and give me some relief. I know it looks cowardly to give up, but my family compels me to do something to enable me to keep about. I cannot do any more; this heart oppression makes me think of heart failure. Pulse 56, and temperature 96. Very weak. I hope it will wear away and this trembling improve, They have been caused by this drug, one of the most powerful. I gave up and went to bed very ill. I had to keep it from my family, but I was afraid my heart would stop beating and had a very restless night. I took acetic acid, as vinegar I had in some pickles I thought changed or relieved the first class or effort of proving and caused me to stop and begin again. I think it did help me. Next day very prostrated but did not take any note of my pulse or temperature, because I had began to try to find an antidote, and this vinegar and lemon juice has relieved many of them. I fear sometimes that the trembling in my hands may never fully leave me now.
February 12, 1893. Copying my notes has brought so vividly to my memory that I can almost feel the old arctic rays through my body, and the giddiness and staggering gait of the Heloderma hor. Day. I hope that you may have many others more courageous than I have been, whose proving will compare or improve upon this poor effort of mine.
The case of paralysis that I spoke of, whose staggering gait was called to my mind by my feelings, is now taking Heloderma hor. C.c., twice daily, for the last two weeks, and is steadily improving. This case has been under treatment for thirteen years, the last year under my care. He certainly is better.
H.S. a young man, suffering from chorea (St. Vitus dance) who has suffered with blue cold hands since I cured him of paralysis, following malignant diphtheria. He has been taking Heloderma hor.c.c. nightly for two weeks, and says he is better never better in his life.
Mr. G.S. aet. 53. Paralysis agitans; left side. Cold hands and feet; clammy, cold sweat. Has been taking Heloderma hor. C.c. four times daily for a week, and is now able to be up and about. The trembling is not all gone, but so much better, and only now comes when overexcited or very tired. Is now improving finely. Taking it once daily.
I can not say more at present.
Robert Boocock, M.D.